D.A.D

"Hey sweetheart, how was school today?"
My dad would ask me right after work. Then he'd scoop me off the ground into his arms with his shirt and tie still on. My favourite part was when I playfully pulled his tie and he will make a funny sound and face that I no longer remember and I would giggle so hard in his arms every time he did that.

He was my father, the one I loved, the one who told me I could make it, the one I always thought was the strongest in the whole wide world and no one else could be stronger. Until...

A corner, a turn, an accident, a death. Took it all away, gone. My hope, my strength, my strong tower. He was to me the great wall to China, always there, always protecting, never failing.

I didn't understand death then, but I figured it out when I stood next to his hospital bed and shook him as hard as I could, calling him, imagining he was just sleeping and needed to be waken up like every normal morning but this time, he never woke up. He lay there senselessly, unmoving. I cried, hard, hoping he could hear me but the only thing I heard in reply was the beeping of machines and the sound I still hate till today, silence. It was then, that I truly understood, what death was really about and that he'll be gone forever.

I did miss him, a lot... but I remembered how he would tell me each morning before school: you can make it, you will make it, just keep holding on(I really hated school then). I did hold on and I still am. I may look jolly and happy all the time for only one reason: I'm still holding on. To what? To whom?

To the only one from above that I have.

Precious

This isn't my original, I just emphasized it a bit here and there, enjoy.. :)

"Daddy, daddy, look what mommy bought for me!"
the little girl shows her dad the plastic pearl necklace her mom has just bought for her at the store just now. The little girl continues talking,
"I'm gonna take real good care of it and show it to all my friends and treasure it forever and ever and ever."
the speechless husband looks at his wife, with a wide grin on his face.

That night, like every other night, the little girl's dad came to her room to read her a bedtime story. After he had finished, he asked his daughter,
"Whose daddy's little girl?"
"Me!"
"can you daddy your pearl necklace?"
"No!" said the little girl while pouting. The dad smiled, kissed her goodnight and went back to his room.

The next night, he did the same thing, the little girl yet again refuses to give up her precious possession. Night after night her daddy asked, night after night she refused. Her dad kept asking but he never forced her.

One night, when he went to her room, he found her standing with her head facing the floor and tears in her eyes. She stretched out her hand and gave her daddy her most precious pearl necklace. Her daddy smiled, took the necklace, put in a side and took out a beautiful, real, genuine pearl necklace.

Are we, at times, like the little girl? Living in our own fantasy, not willing to let go what seems precious to us but isn't meant for us? Even if God asked us over and over and over again? He wants to give us something better. If we don't let go, how then, can He give us what is meant for us? Because you are precious to Him, that's why He cared. ;)

Dear Sweetie King of Roaches

There's this good looking, "perasan" fellow that I know(part of this starting was suggested by him, credits!). We really fill each other up, like puzzle pieces. You're passive, I'm active. You're quiet, I'm noisy. You're careful, I'm reckless. Etc. Etc.

Our characteristics contrast against each other so much, that sometimes I like to wonder how did you ever survive life until now(because I still have this childish mindset that if I live this way most of the people live this way too, but you don't even know how to speak in mandarin, how did you live?), and sometimes I ask God what is His purpose of you ever existing in my life. God, is very slowly unveiling the answers, it's taking a while but God's timing is always perfecto.

Your appearance in my life has changed me, made me grow and learn, intentionally and also unintentionally. You taught me to be me. You taught me to be less selfish and more selfless. You taught me to judge less and forgive more.

You taught me to live, not like it's my last second on earth, but to live, without regret. You taught me that life is not measured by the number of breathes we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. You taught me, what I could never have learnt on my own.

I've once heard, that an angel, does not necessarily have to have a halo above the head and a pair of wings to fly but an angel has to be able to be the wings of someone to help them fly(accomplish/realize their dreams).

Thank you, for being my guardian angel. Thank you, for everything. :3 (but of course there are still times where I wanna hit you to check whether you are real because you're counted as one of the rare Malaysians I know that can't speak mandarin and you are still alive. Yea, I think I'm a bit hyper now. Xp)

P/s: You told me you would be sad if I left, but now I'm not leaving. At least, not that far. ;)

Hope

Lost. I'm So lost. My poor sense of directions always surprises me. In a hill like this with all the paths marked out by the numerous times people walked on. I have no idea how I got here, stuck in a deep forest without a single footprint. It then suddenly starts to drizzle and I'm still lost.

I tried to walk around and see whether I could find another path nearby. The whispers of the rain started to volume up into loud roars of thunder. I took cover under a tree that has quite thick layers of leaves but it wasn't much help. The rain still found its way to me. I was drenched wet and started to shiver, from fear.

You appeared out of nowhere, placed your hand over my shoulders and told me: "It's alright, everything is gonna be just fine. The rain will stop soon and you'll find your way." Just like that and you disappeared without a trace. True enough the rain did stop pretty fast after that and I saw the two poles of hope that we named, I finally knew where I was. You appeared again and gave me a hug.

I woke up, feeling pain. What I thought was your shoulder turned out to be the hard bamboo armrest on the bamboo chair I fell asleep in. The dream was over but my hope was restored.

Light in the dark

I look up at the sky in board daylight, wondering why we can only see stars at night. Something so beautiful that can only be seen in the darkest hours. They remind me of the laser beam show I saw in Hong Kong last time, it is only stunning when it appears in the dark.

It is in times of darkness when God wants to perform His miraculous show on us, it is in times like these when God wants us to be the shining star of His glory. He doesn't put us in difficult situation to test us, He puts us there to be a channel of His love.

Remember, stars don't shine without darkness. ;)