The Equation

The LOVE from God in heaven gives me the FAITH to believe in the HOPE for tomorrow on earth and to fight the DESPAIR from hell.

DESPAIR<HOPE<FAITH<LOVE

The Fall

Your hands throw itself forward between your body and the floor when you fall forward to act as an impact absorber. All this happens subconsciously because it is our body's natural reflexes. It not only reduces injuries but it also helps you to stand up after the fall. Ever wondered what happens when this fails you? It did fail me, once... Well, metaphorically, to be fair. I couldn't blame my body for not protecting me as it couldn't identify me falling. How could it? When even I couldn't.

I didn't know I was falling, I didn't feel anything at all when I hit the floor. It was as if all my senses were off for those few seconds. Now all I remember was waking up with my body flat on the hard floor and my arms thrown outwards. Once I moved, pain struck me so hard I gagged and a puke was threatening to surface.

I tried standing up, oh boy did I try! But I never could. Maybe it was because my hands had no strength but there was something else, something pushing me down. I tried twisting my head to see what it was and I saw sacks on top of me, it had the word "fault" written on it. I was being held down by, or I thought it was, my fault. I was stuck there for what seems like forever. And  it wasn't pleasant at all. Especially when thoughts clouded your mind and the past came back frequently for an uninvited visit.

People come, and people go. Seeing me on the floor, they helped me out of pity. Some tried pulling me off the ground but no matter how hard they hauled me, I wouldn't budge, I couldn't. I was more stuck than ever. So, they just helped remove a few sacks on me. And as time passed, the sacks were all gone.

I was confident that I could get myself off the floor by the time all those sacks were removed, but... No matter how hard I tried... I couldn't. And Then I realized, that there was more holding me down. It was... The guilt, in my heart. It was so heavy that no one could lift me, not even myself. Breathing seems hard when your lungs get crushed by your own heart. Struggling to stand seemed worthless, living was miserable when you are on the floor.

Then, I gave up the fight. I suddenly stopped struggling, stopped trying. I turned on my back,  I never did this while I had my belly on the floor, I was afraid I could never turn back and would get even more stuck. That, was exactly what kept me from looking up. So all this while, I had my face to the floor. But when I looked up, I started talking to Him.

"What on earth am I on the floor for? Can't You lift me up? What happened to soaring on wings like eagles? I can't see me soaring while I can't even crawl now!"

I was angry, then afraid. Then...... I cried. Something I never liked to do. And as loud as a whisper for it was all I could muster, I said, "Please get me up Daddy, I need Your strength, Your help."

Then, the most amazing thing happened, a hand dug into my heart and removed that burden. Another hand stretched out to me and I heard, "C'mon, get up! I can pull you up but you have to try too." I held onto that hand and pulled, and.... I stood up again.

Choice

Choice, is the gift of our Daddy God to us. He gave it to us since He made man. He allows us to choose. However, we must be careful with this gift.

Sometimes it is frustrating when you cannot make up your mind when the choice is neutral or when you want something so much but something seems wrong about making that decision.

Do not be afraid, He sent a counselor to guide us. He sent the Holy Spirit, where is He? He is in our heart. Read the bible, pray, and then listen to your heart when you are caught in a sticky situation or in this case, decision. The wonderful counselor will show you the way...

Nevertheless, God will still push us to make choices in our life. So take the risk and choose rather than live in regret but be mindful not to sin. Restasure that our life is in God's hands.

High School

It is the last day of school and yet I can't feel anything. It's been an eventful 5 years of high school. I noticed that I would have missed out on a lot if I didn't go to school everyday at these last moments. In life, there are 2nd chances but there is no take 2. If you missed that moment then you've missed it. You can't go back in time to relive that exact moment because time traveling dont exist, neither do time travelers.

High school was where I actually grew up a lot and I have come to realise that it isn't that I don't feel anything, it's just that my character is like this. When it comes, it comes. I won't freak out or feel sad or anything. Just like my reaction when I found out I was selected for national service.

However, I will miss schooling life a lot. It's a place where you can fall and learn to stand up again with full hearted encouragements. It's a place where you can find yourself. It's a place we can only be, once in a lifetime. No take 2, no replay, no reliving it over again.

It's the end of high school, a story ends and a new story begins. ;)

Sweet Rain

A beautiful dream to be remembered:

A breeze picks up and wraps around me. In this colourful meadow, I stand still and breath in the air that is filled with the scent of flowers. I hear the birds sing and trees move along with the wind in harmony. This beautiful sight, leaves me speechless. The wind keeps blowing, the dark clouds march along and rain starts to fall on my face.

I love it when it rains. I also love to stand under the rain because the rain disguises my tears and it feels safe to cry. I always wanted to be strong and never show my tears. However, from time to time, this strong me, breaks.

I close my eyes and this time, this time, I let my tears fall. It's been so long since I let myself go. So I cried it all out, all the pain, all the sorrow. The rain washes them all away, away from my burden soul. The tears won't stop coming, I can no longer stop them. I feel weak as I continue crying. Where is the strong me? I ask myself. Gone?

I feel a hand on my face, wiping my tears. I feel a stroke through my hair, comforting my soul. I hear a voice, telling me that I'm stronger. I feel a strong hug, holding my brokenness and fixing me back from pieces. I feel strength, flowing from you to me.

I feel you finally let go and I open my eyes.

I laugh, really hard. So hard, that I find myself breathless. Your hair is down, flat and dreanch completely from the rain. It is not the usual you, but it is still you. I see worry leave your face and a smile spread across it as you watch me laugh. The rain still falls, but it no longer tastes of bitterness and sorrows. Instead, it tastes of sweetness and joy.

Dear rain, what do you taste like?
The rain, is sweet. ;)