The Joy of a Promise Fulfilled

There are certain energies little children bring with them. Enthusiasm, excitement, but my favorite among these is that joy they bring to you.

I visit the same house 3 times before this little joy came along. The first time when I was 10, another 2 times when I was 16 and 18. For all these years, every time I visited, the house looks the same, smells the same and everything is functioning the same way, even the daily schedule.

However, after these many years, when I visited again this time, the craziest thing happened. A little girl came along with her parents to pick me up. There were toys everywhere in the house and things were definitely upside down and a little disorientated. But the most obvious difference is the crazy joy that tiny little girl spreads around whenever she walks around that house.

The joy of a promise fulfilled is so wonderful, even if the promise took many years. God is good. 

Some Years Ago

You know how you have like a group on Facebook and you create another just for the people who manage the group? Well, apparently that was what happened for my youth group. We had a group for the Youth Fellowship and also a group for the Youth Fellowship Committees. (We now have a page too but let's not get into that yet)That group was created in January 2012 and the last post was October of the same year. It could be called a dead group, because 6 out of 9 people in that group is no longer in the committee. And we, the committee don't even discuss through that group any more. But the information of 2012 still remains there.

Facebook, you are one sick bank of information.

I accidentally opened that dead group instead of the one I wanted to open today.Because they had the same name besides that it has the word "Committee" at the far far end. So since I was already here and the page has already loaded, thought I'd scroll through, because why not? It's Facebook after all. And as I began to reread every single post and comment and likes and every detail there is to offer, I realized what when wrong. Well, at least where I went wrong. And to be frank, it was a lot of things. 

1. Empty Commitment

It wasn't that I wasn't committed, I just didn't really understand what it meant to be committed at that time. No one clearly explained to me what it was and how to react to it. I was like every other youth, just being committed "only-when-I-have-time". The committee would always have one or two or half missing because of the classic "I-can't-make-it" or "I'm-busy". Yet what I know now about commitment is to either change the time to suit everybody or make yourself free. It took me 3 years to learn that.

2. Empty Enthusiasm

I am a person just pumped with enthusiasm most of the time. And about 2 or 3 years ago my enthusiasm level was infinity. But this was problem? A little enthusiasm can't hurt right? But a lot might. Especially when I am so enthusiastic about something unrealistic. And when someone comes in to do a reality check, it's kind of a bumper. It gives people the impression that it can be done and the person coming in to stop us as the bad guy. But really, they are just more practical to think whether such things are possible before going all "I-fully-support-you".

3. Empty Promises

I hate these, and hate to admit that I, too am guilty of committing what I hate. Many empty promises, many knots left untied, and a burden to the others to clean up the mess. (And I really don't feel like writing about this because I still do make some even now)

4. Empty Efforts
There is a difference between serving God and serving man. Serving man can also mean serving yourself, because you want all the glory and fame and recognition. Serving God is giving him all that glory and fame and recognition. And most of my efforts those few years ago was either to please someone or to satisfy my own thirst for attention.

I continue reading through and finally reached the end of the group posts. So many mistakes, so many information that I don't want to be reminded of. There were many more flaws but the main ones were just these. Can't really believe that it has been so many years of learning and growth, of trying and failing and trying again. And I would totally wish I could go back in time and tell myself what I know now.But this is all wishful thinking and the past will always be the past. Its existence serves a purpose, to remind us of what we have learn throughout the years.

And Anna, you are one awesome person for not deleting that group. *pokes*

Morning Classes

If you asked me, I would want all my classes to be after 12 o'clock, everyday. But if there is one thing (and maybe only this one thing) that I like about morning classes it would be the walk to class.

It is the only time where the sun gives out light that doesn't burn. The time when the wind is chilly and cold but gentle at the same time. The only time where I feel like I just want to stand under the sun and absorb its warmth while the breeze wraps around me. The perfect combination and amount of the coolness from the air and heat from the sun.

God's Ministry

You know that feeling when you are leaving to somewhere and might not come back, there's a worrisome feeling. Not the "what's-going-to-happen-when-I-am-there" feeling. It's the "what's-going-to-happen-here-after-I-leave" feeling, yeap! That's the one. Well, going to America, I always knew it had to happen sooner or later. But what makes me worried most of the time isn't the fear of going there,it's the fear of what I have to leave behind: the youth ministry. Like after I leave who is going to take over? Can Chris handle? After he gets older who's going to take over? Are they...? Will they...? Can they...?

Frankly, I was acting like my grandma, worrying over the same thing over and over again. But actually it ain't a big deal. It took me awhile to realize this. God showed me, or wait... I think it felt more like a slap. And here's how:

So, on August 3, 2014, we had our yearly Youth Sunday. This was the 4th Youth Sunday we had. It is when the youth ministry will take over the whole service, from worship, to chairperson, to ushers, to hospitality, to EVERY SINGLE DETAIL that I never knew existed until Youth Sunday became a thing. Which is good because the youths are the next generation and we should learn these things.

What God did on that day, He showed me how much potential you all had, and I just realized that I underestimated all of you, that I thought highly of myself in a way that I thought the ministry will collapse without me. But God chastised me and told me "Do not think highly of yourself, for this ministry is not your's, but it is God's ministry and it will carry on" If I realized this before Youth Sunday, I don't think I'd understand but after Youth Sunday, I saw how each of the youths filled up the gap that was empty and I realized that even if I leave, that gap will soon be filled up.

So I actually don't have to worry any more. Because the ministry which my blood and sweat was thrown into is in good hands: God's hands.

Meet my slaves! :D and my fake twin 

.

Mustn't forget the overgrown youth who (loves petai very much and)
 always always will give the best advice!

And the blind president who's in charge of liking what he sees, but can he see? O.o

Awesome new bassist dude

This boy ah, too tall for me to say anything dy

Ooh! Brown pants.. :D

The Ng's presence is very obvious... This whole family is half of our group!

I shall never attempt to ask how old you are any more,
because I always think you are still the little girl from Sunday School
And then you remind how old you are and I feel old

The quiet siblings are quite talkative "chair-kids"

Look who dropped by to say hi, happiness overload... :)

Of course not forgetting the awesome pawsome Yeeeeee's

You guys rock! Say "Youth Sunday"

I'm leaving, kthxbai....

Losing Hope

My heart hurts so darn bad. I don't understand. If you hate me, fine. Why is Chris to blame too? What did he ever do to you for you to treat him like how you treat me. I'm angry, I'm sad, I feel like it's the gazillionth time I want to just go up to you and grab you by the shoulders to shake you. My heart hurts because I lost my best friend and made my other best friend lose his best friend too.

He was 13, I was 11 and so were you. 3 naive kids who knew nothing about how things would end up in the future. We knew nothing about love, but we at least knew something about friendship.We grew up together, almost like a family. But why stop forgiving each other now? Why stop putting in the effort to make our friendship last? What snapped you? Just what the hell happen to you?

What you are doing, it's not called moving on. It's called giving up. And I don't want to, but I think I am starting to give up on you too.

"The weird feeling of waking up feeling like you've lost a friend and not being able to mourn because that person is still around."
-Aunty Rachel Tan, 2014-

I am losing hope God, give me some, please.