Choice

Choice, is the gift of our Daddy God to us. He gave it to us since He made man. He allows us to choose. However, we must be careful with this gift.

Sometimes it is frustrating when you cannot make up your mind when the choice is neutral or when you want something so much but something seems wrong about making that decision.

Do not be afraid, He sent a counselor to guide us. He sent the Holy Spirit, where is He? He is in our heart. Read the bible, pray, and then listen to your heart when you are caught in a sticky situation or in this case, decision. The wonderful counselor will show you the way...

Nevertheless, God will still push us to make choices in our life. So take the risk and choose rather than live in regret but be mindful not to sin. Restasure that our life is in God's hands.

High School

It is the last day of school and yet I can't feel anything. It's been an eventful 5 years of high school. I noticed that I would have missed out on a lot if I didn't go to school everyday at these last moments. In life, there are 2nd chances but there is no take 2. If you missed that moment then you've missed it. You can't go back in time to relive that exact moment because time traveling dont exist, neither do time travelers.

High school was where I actually grew up a lot and I have come to realise that it isn't that I don't feel anything, it's just that my character is like this. When it comes, it comes. I won't freak out or feel sad or anything. Just like my reaction when I found out I was selected for national service.

However, I will miss schooling life a lot. It's a place where you can fall and learn to stand up again with full hearted encouragements. It's a place where you can find yourself. It's a place we can only be, once in a lifetime. No take 2, no replay, no reliving it over again.

It's the end of high school, a story ends and a new story begins. ;)

Sweet Rain

A beautiful dream to be remembered:

A breeze picks up and wraps around me. In this colourful meadow, I stand still and breath in the air that is filled with the scent of flowers. I hear the birds sing and trees move along with the wind in harmony. This beautiful sight, leaves me speechless. The wind keeps blowing, the dark clouds march along and rain starts to fall on my face.

I love it when it rains. I also love to stand under the rain because the rain disguises my tears and it feels safe to cry. I always wanted to be strong and never show my tears. However, from time to time, this strong me, breaks.

I close my eyes and this time, this time, I let my tears fall. It's been so long since I let myself go. So I cried it all out, all the pain, all the sorrow. The rain washes them all away, away from my burden soul. The tears won't stop coming, I can no longer stop them. I feel weak as I continue crying. Where is the strong me? I ask myself. Gone?

I feel a hand on my face, wiping my tears. I feel a stroke through my hair, comforting my soul. I hear a voice, telling me that I'm stronger. I feel a strong hug, holding my brokenness and fixing me back from pieces. I feel strength, flowing from you to me.

I feel you finally let go and I open my eyes.

I laugh, really hard. So hard, that I find myself breathless. Your hair is down, flat and dreanch completely from the rain. It is not the usual you, but it is still you. I see worry leave your face and a smile spread across it as you watch me laugh. The rain still falls, but it no longer tastes of bitterness and sorrows. Instead, it tastes of sweetness and joy.

Dear rain, what do you taste like?
The rain, is sweet. ;)

D.A.D

"Hey sweetheart, how was school today?"
My dad would ask me right after work. Then he'd scoop me off the ground into his arms with his shirt and tie still on. My favourite part was when I playfully pulled his tie and he will make a funny sound and face that I no longer remember and I would giggle so hard in his arms every time he did that.

He was my father, the one I loved, the one who told me I could make it, the one I always thought was the strongest in the whole wide world and no one else could be stronger. Until...

A corner, a turn, an accident, a death. Took it all away, gone. My hope, my strength, my strong tower. He was to me the great wall to China, always there, always protecting, never failing.

I didn't understand death then, but I figured it out when I stood next to his hospital bed and shook him as hard as I could, calling him, imagining he was just sleeping and needed to be waken up like every normal morning but this time, he never woke up. He lay there senselessly, unmoving. I cried, hard, hoping he could hear me but the only thing I heard in reply was the beeping of machines and the sound I still hate till today, silence. It was then, that I truly understood, what death was really about and that he'll be gone forever.

I did miss him, a lot... but I remembered how he would tell me each morning before school: you can make it, you will make it, just keep holding on(I really hated school then). I did hold on and I still am. I may look jolly and happy all the time for only one reason: I'm still holding on. To what? To whom?

To the only one from above that I have.

Precious

This isn't my original, I just emphasized it a bit here and there, enjoy.. :)

"Daddy, daddy, look what mommy bought for me!"
the little girl shows her dad the plastic pearl necklace her mom has just bought for her at the store just now. The little girl continues talking,
"I'm gonna take real good care of it and show it to all my friends and treasure it forever and ever and ever."
the speechless husband looks at his wife, with a wide grin on his face.

That night, like every other night, the little girl's dad came to her room to read her a bedtime story. After he had finished, he asked his daughter,
"Whose daddy's little girl?"
"Me!"
"can you daddy your pearl necklace?"
"No!" said the little girl while pouting. The dad smiled, kissed her goodnight and went back to his room.

The next night, he did the same thing, the little girl yet again refuses to give up her precious possession. Night after night her daddy asked, night after night she refused. Her dad kept asking but he never forced her.

One night, when he went to her room, he found her standing with her head facing the floor and tears in her eyes. She stretched out her hand and gave her daddy her most precious pearl necklace. Her daddy smiled, took the necklace, put in a side and took out a beautiful, real, genuine pearl necklace.

Are we, at times, like the little girl? Living in our own fantasy, not willing to let go what seems precious to us but isn't meant for us? Even if God asked us over and over and over again? He wants to give us something better. If we don't let go, how then, can He give us what is meant for us? Because you are precious to Him, that's why He cared. ;)

Dear Sweetie King of Roaches

There's this good looking, "perasan" fellow that I know(part of this starting was suggested by him, credits!). We really fill each other up, like puzzle pieces. You're passive, I'm active. You're quiet, I'm noisy. You're careful, I'm reckless. Etc. Etc.

Our characteristics contrast against each other so much, that sometimes I like to wonder how did you ever survive life until now(because I still have this childish mindset that if I live this way most of the people live this way too, but you don't even know how to speak in mandarin, how did you live?), and sometimes I ask God what is His purpose of you ever existing in my life. God, is very slowly unveiling the answers, it's taking a while but God's timing is always perfecto.

Your appearance in my life has changed me, made me grow and learn, intentionally and also unintentionally. You taught me to be me. You taught me to be less selfish and more selfless. You taught me to judge less and forgive more.

You taught me to live, not like it's my last second on earth, but to live, without regret. You taught me that life is not measured by the number of breathes we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. You taught me, what I could never have learnt on my own.

I've once heard, that an angel, does not necessarily have to have a halo above the head and a pair of wings to fly but an angel has to be able to be the wings of someone to help them fly(accomplish/realize their dreams).

Thank you, for being my guardian angel. Thank you, for everything. :3 (but of course there are still times where I wanna hit you to check whether you are real because you're counted as one of the rare Malaysians I know that can't speak mandarin and you are still alive. Yea, I think I'm a bit hyper now. Xp)

P/s: You told me you would be sad if I left, but now I'm not leaving. At least, not that far. ;)

Hope

Lost. I'm So lost. My poor sense of directions always surprises me. In a hill like this with all the paths marked out by the numerous times people walked on. I have no idea how I got here, stuck in a deep forest without a single footprint. It then suddenly starts to drizzle and I'm still lost.

I tried to walk around and see whether I could find another path nearby. The whispers of the rain started to volume up into loud roars of thunder. I took cover under a tree that has quite thick layers of leaves but it wasn't much help. The rain still found its way to me. I was drenched wet and started to shiver, from fear.

You appeared out of nowhere, placed your hand over my shoulders and told me: "It's alright, everything is gonna be just fine. The rain will stop soon and you'll find your way." Just like that and you disappeared without a trace. True enough the rain did stop pretty fast after that and I saw the two poles of hope that we named, I finally knew where I was. You appeared again and gave me a hug.

I woke up, feeling pain. What I thought was your shoulder turned out to be the hard bamboo armrest on the bamboo chair I fell asleep in. The dream was over but my hope was restored.

Light in the dark

I look up at the sky in board daylight, wondering why we can only see stars at night. Something so beautiful that can only be seen in the darkest hours. They remind me of the laser beam show I saw in Hong Kong last time, it is only stunning when it appears in the dark.

It is in times of darkness when God wants to perform His miraculous show on us, it is in times like these when God wants us to be the shining star of His glory. He doesn't put us in difficult situation to test us, He puts us there to be a channel of His love.

Remember, stars don't shine without darkness. ;)

3D2N: Fire

We were trying to start a campfire that night but everything there was too moist. The dry leaves gathered wasn't dry enough, the matches wouldn't light up. It was even more crazy when the fire started lighting up and someone said something about some teacher complaining and they kicked the earth all over my fire. 

Our leader said it could have been a bit of a misunderstanding and so we tried again. The wind started blowing which kept killing out the fire from the matches. I so felt like giving up!! but we kept trying. After a few more broken matches, we finally got the fire to light up. I watched as the blazing fire eat up everything we threw in. It took quite an effort to make the fire steady, we kept adding wood. Light wood, heavy wood, thin wood, thick wood, all went in.

We took some junk food, poke it with bamboo sticks and roasted it with the fire which gave it a smoky, crunchy taste. We let the fire slowly die out, and I saw one of my favourite moments where the embers starts glowing like it's breathing. It's beautiful enough to make you just stay and watch. <3

3D2N: Ropes & Bamboo

Bang! Bang! I try to hold the chopping knife as still as possible while my friend hits the other side with a stone. The impact hurts my hand but this stubborn bamboo doesn't even crack a bit.

My sweat is dripping all over the bamboos as I pull the ropes tight. I'm making a tripod but my hands hurts, my waist hurts and my mind is shutting down on me. It's late and I've been tying bamboos together all day, I can't leave this till tomorrow or it's ropes might loosen. I take deep breathes every time the rope wont go through the middles of the bamboos to stop me from just kicking it to a side.

The bamboos are slippery with all my sweat. To make things worst there's not even a single breeze in this hot forest air. The heat is squeezing every drop of water out of my body. I finally finished chopping it in half, there's another one waiting but I had enough. So, I wiped up and hit the sack.

Fly

The first person view story of an eagle: 

I open my eyes, stretch my body out a bit and breathe in the fresh morning air. It is time to find food. I give my wings a few flaps, tuck my legs in and off I go, soaring high above the trees. The morning air is still full of mist and it feels cool as it slides around my body. I kept flapping my wings until I reach a safe height to glide. As the draft carries me, the memories of my first time flying flashes before me. 

Mama was clearing the nest, she said that we were growing and there is just not enough space. She threw out the feathers and leaves. Leaving a cold, hard and prickly surface for us to live in. The itchiness was just too much to bear but mama said we'll get used to it soon. I gave up sitting in the nest core, I took a walk towards the edge of the nest. I search the sky for mama but I couldn't find her. I felt her behind me, before I could turn around, I got pushed off the edge and into the ground that was a few hundred meters away. Down,down, down. I saw the ground getting closer and closer every heartbeat. 

"Flap your wings!!" yelled mama. I was angry at mama, why did she have to push me off like that? Seeing the ground getting closer, I flapped, hard and fast but still nothing happened. The ground was getting closer and closer while mama was so far up above. I knew I wasn't gonna make it. So I gave up and closed my eyes.

I waited for the "BANGGGGG~~~" and "SPLATTER~~~" but none came, maybe I was dead already. I opened my eyes and all I saw was mama's head. She caught me and carried me up again. I was expecting her to put me back into the nest or maybe a branch or so. BUT NO~~ she flew up to the nest just to drop me off again. 

Here we go again, I flapped and flapped and flapped but still nothing happened. Right before I hit the ground, mama swooped down and caught me again. The process was repeated 5 times. The fifth time I flapped and flapped and suddenly I was  lifted up. Although I couldn't fly as beautifully as mama, I was still flying. I was a little wobbly at first but I kept it at constant and finally reached the nest, exhausted. 

I snap back to the present, noticing the weather. It was going to rain soon, I had to fly low and eat up. I can fly so much better now but I have never forgotten how it felt the first time I flied. 

Deuteronomy 32:11 

As an eagle stirs up its nest,

Hovers over its young,

Spreading out its wings, taking them up,

Carrying them on its wings.

Surprise~!

This year can be counted as one of the most unforgettable years of my life~ All my BFFs gave me a HUGE surprise~!! 1st of all~~ The most beloved JacLiHoSzePek team~!!

I just got out of the shower and they gave me a huge surprise. So don't mind my hair, I know it's all wet.

There are just so much stuff I wanted to say, but I did a summary: I LOVE YOU GUYS~~~ JacLiHoSzePek!!! Best friends forever~ <3

2nd is of course my BFF Colleen, Shaphan Lim and William Fong not forgetting the one who made my cake, Auntie Eunice~!! <3

cut cake, cut cake~~

Thank you guys~~ <3

CHEEEESE~~~ ^^

BFF~~~ <3

William in his "baju kurung" XP

The CAKE~~ <3

I really was shock by how much effort and time you all put in for me. I thank all of you~~ <3 I think it would be impossible for me to forget you all unless I bang my head super duper hard~!! XD

THANK YOU, TERIMA KASIH, XIE XIE, MERCI, SHURKYURO, ARIGATO, KAMSHAMIDAH, NANDIN, GRACIAS ~!! <3 <3 <3

Tears

I terribly hate tears, I totally have something against those little droplets that fall. I don't like to see people cry, because it makes me feel like crying and I don't like to cry. 

Uprooted

I will be moving away from the place I grew up to a place an hour's drive away. My life would be changed, I will be kicked out of my comfort zone. Hmmm~~ Maybe "kick" is a word that is too small, let me re-phrase: I will be "bulldozer-ed" out of the place I belong!!!

Yes, it's true people move on, move away, move out. There is nothing to make a fuss about it and it's only an hour away and there's always Facebook. But do these people who move on, away, and out without tears? I doubt so. If not why is tears, spelled the same way as tear? You get teared apart and you will start to have tears in your eyes.

I thought of it over and over, I will bid my farewell to the friends I grew up with. Who I cried, screamed, shouted, go crazy with for the past half decade. Who are these people? The WFA youths~!! My 2nd family, my ohana, my oikos...

I shall leave but not now. So if I worry about my tomorrow, then I will never be able to cherish today. I promised myself not to cry until it is the time I leave, it will not be the last farewell but it'll be a long time until I can see them again.

Al4ONE, and ONE4Al~~!!!! I love you guys~~ <3 <3